realize me

i dont know why， but i feel so blue i feel so powerless... i usually think that my "spirit" basically consists me. and that "spirit" basically consists of my "idea (logical thought)" and "feeling". To know is to get something by my "idea， logic and thought". i know what i feel. but i don't know why i feel that. i can control my idea and thought but i can't control my heart， my feeling. i sometimes do something really， really bad. that's what my heart and feeling do. i seldom do something really good. that's what my idea and logic do. am i just justifying my wrongdoings?? saying "oh， don't blame me， it's not what my brain did， but my heart!!" but now i know， my feeling is a half of me. then， how can i make it good?? heart is heart because i cannot control it. i just realized why i feel blue now I JUST BETRAYED SOMEONE WHO TRUSTS ME